I should be more ashamed at having enjoyed a few days at the wheel of one of the most unforgivable cars on sale. This 6-litre, 500bhp Audi Q7 V12 TDI that, with just a few extras, costs £104,000 as tested is the kind of car that should probably come with a lifetime supply of brown paper bags with eyehole perforations.
I was kicking pointlessly large and profligate SUVs long before it became fashionable to do so, but I’d challenge anyone to feel the effect 737lb ft of torque has even on a 2.6-tonne car and not at least smirk. It is also astonishingly quick, as one chap in a Porsche Boxster who sniffed at its exhausts found out. Served him right for wearing his baseball cap backwards.
My real problem was what to do with it. I couldn’t take it on the school run for fear that Range Rover-toting parents might think I was trying to take Jonesmanship to a new level, nor could I take it to work because someone might think I owned it. So I took it to Silverstone where I was due to do some pre-season testing. It’s probably the only place such a car is guaranteed a warm reception. As one fellow old car racer put it, “now that’s what I call a tow car”.