Oh Cara, how could you? — Up and down at the 2023 British GP

Fernando Alonso wore the intensely relaxed look of a man who’d spotted a 59-year-old on the grid and mentally extended his window for winning a championship by another two decades.

However, said almost-sexagenarian Brad Pitt let the A-list side down by proving that celebrities can appear happy at a grand prix and be interested in F1.

As a capacity crowd watched on, here’s what was going up and down at the British Grand Prix.

Goin’ Up

Heavyweight Helmut Marko

please this shouldn’t be as funny as it is 😭pic.twitter.com/hBRAwwe7lU

— nic 🏁 (@nnicolef1) July 9, 2023

The demon headmaster of Red Bull’s junior scheme isn’t known for his charm: a decade after being fired from the Marko Academy, Jaime Alguersuari said he still woke up crying after reliving the “trauma” of his nightmares. So when a photographer barged past the Le Mans-winner in search of the perfect shot, he got a …robust response. We’re mostly interested in what befell him, afterwards. He’ll probably be talking about it in therapy for years to come.

F1 star power

Brad Pitt on track!! But even Hollywood A-list star power couldn’t compete with the British Grand Prix. APXGP and a pit garage full off actors looked to be forgotten after Lando and Lewis tussled, Sergio Perez powered his way up the grid, and Oscar Piastri was robbed in a safety car-related twist.

Perez comes back (again)

Ok, Perez’s qualifying record would look bad if he was driving a Williams. But what, really, would he do with a front-row start? No-one’s going to be cheering him on as he reaches the chequered flag a lonely 15sec behind his team-mate. Now, after a string of charges from the mid-pack, all the talk is of his brilliant racecraft. Bring on another Q2 exit.

Driver friends

Remarkable scenes on the way to the podium: Lewis Hamilton pleased at McLaren’s success; He and Lando Norris having a pleasant conversation with Max Verstappen; Hamilton and Norris joking about their no-holds-barred fight and not falling out.

Anyone would have thought rivals don’t have to be enemies, eh, fan forums?

Sky’s viewing figures

It wouldn't be a Martin Brundle gridwalk without a little awkwardness 😅 pic.twitter.com/iCgilk1DqB

— Sky Sports F1 (@SkySportsF1) July 9, 2023

“I’m sure it would have been extremely interesting,” said Martin Brundle, as he whirled away from another high-profile gridwalk rebuttal; the nation on tenterhooks in unfulfilled anticipation as to what Cara Delevigne made of Alfa Romeo‘s chances. Maybe she’s an avid fan of Channel 4’s coverage and doesn’t realise that Brundle is the man you can never say no to.

Goin’ down

Breakfast blues

Oh what a hard life F1 drivers lead, having to fend off a few autograph hunters as they enjoy their multi-million pound fortunes.

Saying that though, who’d trade places with Carlos Sainz in this scene? Ferrari’s not-No2 driver is in full-on hotel buffet tray anxiety, stabilising a precariously tall can while adjusting for the weight imbalance between heavy bowl of cereal and fluffy white toast. Enter Mr Selfie, VIP status proudly on show. No amount of social awareness is going to prevent him capturing those out-of-focus pixels.

Chrome ain’t your colour

When you draw comparisons to one of the greatest F1 liveries in modern time and then deliver a silver splodge, you’d better be hoping for an overwhelming reaction of disappointment. But apart from being a letdown, its biggest flaw was revealed when it hit the track: home fans roared their support for Hamilton, Russell and Albon from the grandstands, but there was just a smattering of applause for Norris. Nothing personal — they just couldn’t spot his racing number amongst the silver.

Verstappen’s pitlane prang

We’ve all heard the shameful crunch of metal from an ‘invisible’ supermarket car park pillar, low kerb, or jutting branch. And now there’s no need to feel embarrassed any more thanks to Max Verstappen and his qualifying mishap. From the footage, you might think the double world champion simply drove into the pitwall and wrecked his front wing. But you’d be wrong: “I had a bit of understeer out of the box. Too much rear grip.” Thanks Max. We’ll be saving that for our next Tesco prang.

National anthem

Brad Pitt needed all of his acting talents as he stood alongside drivers for the national anthem and attempted to hide the sense of anguish as the words “Please rise for the national anthem” were immediately followed by ‘jazzy’ saxophone and butchered vocals by actor Damien Lewis.

There were more than a few eyes raised to the sky in hope that the Red Arrows would soon arrive to drown it out.

Tired of track limits

Has F1 hit its track limits quota, or did the exertion of totting up 1200+ off-track moments in Austria take its toll? Either way, Lance Stroll was the big beneficiary when he got off scot free after overtaking Pierre Gasly (15sec of time penalties in Austria) with all four wheels off the track. Sore Gasly later got biffed off by Stroll for good measure.